cropland duiring night time

You Cannot be Sirius.

Dear Sophia:

I am on the East Coast of the North Island – referred to as Hawke’s Bay. I have not seen any hawks as yet.

I went out driving tonight and to say that it’s been surreal is somewhat of an understatement. Lots of people out and about and the area is huge, so some long rides, some short rides and a lot of bogan types high-beamin’ me to go faster from behind.

So I start out in Napier, the art-deco town. After the terrible earthquake in 1931, the idea was that Art Deco design was safer, so the town built back Deco.

I headed out and got a ride straightaway. I smiled at the name. I was picking up Keanu. There was a fellow in his mid-twenties and what appeared to be his significant other. I asked him about his name and he honestly wasn’t into it, so I dropped it. I smiled and drove quietly to their destination.

I got another ride quite quickly after and was surprised to see the name – Keanu. At first I thought I’d been called back to the original Keanu, but no, this was an entirely different Keanu, who was also in his mid-twenties. I was like “Hey Keanu” and he was like “Hey” and then I said “Dude are there a lot of Keanu’s around here?” and he said “some”. And that was that – I dropped him off.

I stayed pretty busy and then a few hours later – another Keanu. I fully expected one of the first two Keanus, but no, this was a new Keanu, also mid-twenties. I asked “Is Keanu a family name?” and he said “No, I don’t think so.” And then I said “Is your family Hawaiian?” He said no, and didn’t really want to discuss it anymore.

I have driven everywhere in New Zealand, and never had a single Keanu. Tonight, three?

Keanu! What did you DO?

This gnawed at me a bit so I went fossicking through the NZ Stats records and discovered that in 1995 54 families named their male child Keanu. There is no other year that the name registers within the last hundred years. Just 1995.

What happened in 1995?

This: This happened:

Kiwis will no doubt recognise the baby-faced Marcus Lush.

I’ll ask you again Keanu “WHAT DID YOU DO??”

To be fair though, more than twice as many families named their child “Jonathan” as in Jon Bon Jovi.

Love ,