yellow swing

Nothing happens in Oamaru

Dear Sophia:

He was maybe 20 years old, spots on his face. Visiting the “big smoke” (Auckland) for a bit of a wild time. I pointed out some landmarks to him and his friend. Asked him where he was from. “Oamaru” he said.

“I love Oamaru!” I said excitedly “It’s my favourite small town in New Zealand”

He grinned broadly and said “Oh yeah? Why’s that?”

I went through the Oamaru stone buildings, the Steampunk scene, the general weirdness, but really doubled down on the international aspect. I said that I’d been there with my sister and we met more foreigners there than anywhere else.

Plus people know how to have a drink there.

He laughed. He said “Ask me about my wildest night out”

I did. “In Oamaru??” my voice rising slightly at the end.

He said “one Saturday night I was at the ** bar.”

“I know that bar” I said.

He smiled and said, “I started talking to this woman and she starts to get flirty”

And I said “Oh yeah? So far, so normal what’s the big deal?”

He said “Oh, well her husband was sitting right next to her.” I raised my eyebrows and he said “Then she said “we’re in an open, swinger type marriage, are you interested?”

I said “Well so what did you do?”

And he said “Well, she was old enough to be my mum….but I’d had a few drinks”

And I said “oh really? So that was a ‘no’?

He replied “Erm, on second thought, she could be my gran”

“What???” I shrieked. “You said no right??”

He looked at me in the rearview.


And said “ah no, I did not”

Conveniently, we had arrived…