banana and eggplant on violet surface


Dear Sophia:

I hadn’t talked to her in years, hadn’t seen her in as long. We used to work together in downtown Auckland, and of course, remained Facebook friends, although Facebook for me these days is mostly just an address book in case someone dies or becomes infamous.

She is a sexy, blonde, badass West Aucklander and she wanted me to take her husband, who I hadn’t met, to the clinic.
“He’s getting the snip” she said. “He’s a bit anxious and couldn’t drive him myself. He needs a laugh.”

“So you thought of me?” I said, snort-giggling. “That’s so cool. I’m happy to take him” I picked him up from his place in West Auckland. He did look a bit nervous.
“How YOU doin’?” I asked with my best Joey from Friends voice.
“Yeah, all good, I’m fine” he said weakly. He really did look a bit pale.

“So, your missus tells me you work in printing” I said “Do you do really large prints? What’s the largest you can do?”
All the way into town, we talked about work, and then suddenly we were there. He looked out the window, surprised.

“We’re early” he said. “We are indeed” I replied “But I bet they can take you early.” We made arrangements for the return pickup, he’d text me. I went to get a snack and otherwise cool my jets until I got the text.

Which I received in a record short amount of time. I raced over to the clinic, and there he was, looking okay.
“Do you need some meds?” I asked He nodded affirmatively, “I’ll get them right here” It took a couple of minutes and we were on our way.
“So how are you feeling?” I asked “Is it painful?”

“Actually it is barely noticeable, but to be fair, they did give me some pain killers”
We were back at his place a short time later, and he was relaxed as could be. I saw his missus, and we caught up for a few minutes. She explained that she had called time on reproduction – she had three and wasn’t going to have any more.

It was what they needed to do. I told her that I understood, and that I hoped it all went well. I told her to recommend me to all her friends’ husbands. That maybe it was a niche for me. We both laughed. It was a fun day. Well, except for him I guess.